“People who think depression is a choice, take a second to think. How would it feel to wake up and not having the emotional strength to face people? To think that time is just passing by with no real reason? To feel so alone even when you are sitting in a room Full of people? To have to put on a face and hide your feelings because in your Mind you think no one would care anyway? To lose friends because you can’t find the strength To go out and physically be ‘happy’? To cry your self to sleep, hoping you wouldn’t wake up then when you do you are exhausted from the night before, and it all starts again. You try to hide your feelings hoping no one would notice. Now tell me why someone would choose that? Depression is an illness, not a choice. Repost this if you have, or you know someone Who suffers from depression. Its one thing to repost this and another to actually understand.”—
I’m not a student anymore. Not a full-time one at least. I still find this weird but 2011 saw my first full-time job, and not full-time studying. I’ve been studying ever since I can remember so for a while I found myself waking up in the morning wondering what assignments there were to get done - and nope, none! My best friend loves to refer to me as a ‘perpetual student’ though, which became a reality when I decided to do a diploma in Advertising and Public Relations (I got a high merit in that too!). My life still feels weird without the constant hulking presence of Stalin, and I doubt that will change in 2012.
Malta isn’t so bad after all. I still desperately want to travel the world, still miss London and Sydney every day and I will never stop trying to find an escape route to Rome - but 2011 made me realise that my own country wasn’t quite the horror I kept making it out to be. There is a hell of a lot of room for improvement and I will never be the patriot some Maltese people are but I don’t mind staying here for now. At least for a little while.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. After years of wondering if I was just crazy I finally got the help I needed. After I quit my job and found myself decidedly unemployed, I sunk into a very dark place and needed, well, rescuing. I’m on meds now (citalopram, see an earlier post) which have helped tremendously. As my psychiatrist likes me to appreciate I know the meds are nothing more than an umbrella (rather than a cure) but after fighting with my condition for so long, they provide some relief. I’m getting through all these feelings (AAAALL THE FEELINGZZZ) slowly - had a bad experience with my last psychologist but 2012 will see me getting back on track with my therapy.
I got a dream job. Maybe not MY dream job per se, but it’s pretty damn close and it could well turn out to be THAT dream job. After a nightmare first job which saw me at my lowest and three months of unemployment, a very lovely company saw past my lack of experience and employed me. I now am the marketing and media executive for this pharmaceuticals company, which represents brands like Vichy and La Roche-Posay in Malta. It’s everything I want to do - it’s exciting, it’s thrilling and it definitely brings out the workaholic side of me! 2012 is definitely looking up because of this.
I realised who my true friends were. My family as usual came out fighting for me to get through the aforementioned dark, dark, dark period - and so did my friends, who I really believed I didn’t have any of for a while. I have many acquaintances but very few people I can call my loved ones and feel comfortable with, and I love it this way. I can’t wait to spend 2012 with them <3
And now…resolutions and hopes for 2012.
1. I will start a Photoshop course.
2. I will continue going to the gym.
3. After 10 years, I will try TRY TRY to give up smoking.
4. I will clean out my wardrobe.
5. I will spend less money.
6. I will write my pHD proposal.
7. I will travel. SO MUCH!
8. I will start therapy properly again.
9. (This sounds soooo cheesy) I will accept myself for who I am.